Wish I could get through to you. Right now. So many things I want to explain, but you think its me getting defensive and self-justifying. It's hard to accept that I really need to learn a lot about relationships huh? And you know I have never been in one. And that I don't know things. Even after me apologizing. Yes I know I hurt you. But you just refuse to accept that I didn't mean to. Just saying my idea sucks. And it just stops there. Like a death sentence. And I still don't know HOW I hurt you. You keep saying I hurt you a lot. But I just hold back what you have done to me. Just so it wouldn't affect you further. And you find it so easy to make me guilty. Well maybe I should tell you what you have done to me here. I was preparing myself for a relationship for so long just to find that special girl. And now all I think about is my inadequecies in handling a possible one. Just cause you also shattered my confidence. Just like that. Confidence to be able to handle one. You exposed. Exposed and magnified my fear of possibly getting into one. And really made me think. Think if the gift of singleness is really what I have just cause I don't have what it takes for a relationship. Or to handle someone like you. Your flurry of sentences. Shooting like a machine gun. Line after line. As if on impulse, without restrain, without care. Makes me wonder - are all girls like that? Yeah this is an emo post. I might change, I might not. I might get over it, I might not. But this is the fact. Even without getting into one, and within such a brief time, you have already changed my whole mindset. My emotions are numb, and have been numbed for so long. But when they come, boy do they come. But I'll be alright. I will still live well. So much to do. Why is a relationship even a default now? Yet I know I will find myself, as I have over the past days, swinging between being convinced that I will be better off single and protecting myself from hurt, and being more hopeful that a relationship is worth the plunge. And you won't see this, at least in a long time to come. I'm sure. If you do, you were probably meant to read this.