In September, I posted a note in Facebook, thanking my classmates who encouraged and helped me in my studies, and announcing my intentions to do better. In terms of putting in more effort, and NOT the results. Though the results already speak for themselves.

I think as I re-evaluate myself today, my improvement in terms of attitude and effort put in is insignificant (5% significance level, one-sided, p>0.05).

Its in somber reflection as I type this... But with hope because God is not done with me! The trigger for my post is probably finding out about the examples and attitudes of my other friends (both Christian and non-Christians), and CG today which consisted of an especially good fellowship, sharing, praying for one another - albeit sacrificing Bible study. Very encouraging for me.

I will attempt to list the many many things I have done or failed to do in school, and I can't give any excuses for them.

In no order:
1) Always prioritize other tasks over schoolwork, because I just dread doing work
2) Sometimes using the excuse that I'm doing God's work in order to put studies aside
But how can my role as a student in this season not be considered His work too?
3) Procrastinating on the computer, at home and in school
4) Never doing any work for a significant time at home; using the excuse that "its just me, I can't study at home"
5) Copying from seniors' lab reports - just because everyone's doing it. Yet people like Gareth and Ashley have the integrity and right learning attitude not to.
6) Even in group lab reports, not doing enough for the group; Feeling guilty, yet unable to find the will to change
7) Not preparing in advance for lectures, TUTORIALS, and PRACTICALS!!! Seldom completing the tutorial before the lesson, or reading up on the practical manual and revising the theoretical concepts of the session.
8) Not putting in enough effort to pay attention in lectures. First half of the semester, I was very guilty of dozing off. Its getting better now.
9) Playing with my phone when I'm bored in the lecture. Not much of a problem now already.
10) Skipping some lectures. Shall not mention why, but yup stupid of me!
11) Skipping a series of webcasted lectures. But I honestly think it's okay because it's in the evening and there's a difficulty in understanding the lecturers. At least from my impressions in the first few sessions. So I can repeat the slides and video in the webcast. But the problem is I still have backlog of them. Which also results in (7)
12) "Wasting away" free time in school. Although it's not technically a waste because time enjoyed wasting away is not wasted time. :D
But seriously, I really enjoyed the time with my friends in these free periods. Just that if the time were allocated to revision, and utilizing the school facilities, I would be so much better off.

Yeah embarrassing to post these, but hope I can review these in time to come, and pray over these. In general the organization of my studies is a mess. Results wise is not good compared to what I think I can achieve too. But yup results is really not the driving factor. I'm just super sobered up that I'm not reflecting Jesus well, especially hearing it from someone personally.

Just a final thought that a note posted by Abraham was a thought-provoking one. Just the title for now, because I would have to read the contents in-depth. Also, at one glance, my mind just glosses over the words because the concepts are familiar and intuitive to me. Yet applying is a whole different thing! Not apply is as good as not knowing.

The title of note had this in it: "Christian by name. Atheist by profession."

Guilty as charged..!

(Then Jesus barges in and says: "TAKE ME!! I did it!!". And He took our punishment. Sorry ^.^ just couldn't help myself from typing this cliche part. But oh how true it is haha...)