...has been sorely challenged by such a recent friendship. Sorely, because it just hurts me so much that I know nothing about something that seemed so clear in my head.

Fears that emerge; bruises that need time to heal; regrets that cannot be quelled; but there are lessons that can always be learnt.

"Your words and action must match..."

...will just haunt me till the day I die.

I really just wish to give up. Live a simple life in my comfort zone. But the LORD just doesn't spare me. He has told me of the opportunities in life not to shrink back: to really grow up into a man and be ultimately found faithful.

My heart just wants to give up. It sends my mind into turmoil. Negative thoughts like my illness that make me think I shouldn't risk it, that I am not capable. That it will derail my life again.

Even after all these, I still don't know the steps to take from this day on.

A general conclusion could be this: The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom (Prov 1:7), then carry on seeking God in everything you do to hone wisdom. Accept instruction and discipline from the LORD and His agents. Amen to this, for me.